Friday, April 23, 2010

The Emptiness of the American "Dream"

When I was a young boy I used to dream of being something or somebody special that made lots of money and had all sorts of cool stuff. I even remember promising to buy fancy sports cars for my family members. Not completely selfish right? Categorically and socio-economically I grew up and am still within the borders of the American lower middle-class. Just looking at the words "lower" and "middle" don't exactly scream "special". In fact, the only good things I think of in terms of low being good are golf scores, debt, risk of injury, death or disease, and calories. Middle. Well, middle is just average, not great and not horrible.

So throughout  my life I struggled with this idea of attaining some status that I was not born into nor groomed for. Seeing that sometimes attaining this required much sacrifice of self and many times, moral beliefs, I began to abandon this goal for bitterness towards it. As someone who is somewhat an introverted observer I have a strange ability to understand people and "see" them beyond the surface person they express. In my observations I've seen how the attainment of the American Dream and things like it yield little or temporary satisfaction. Knowing this and knowing that my richness is found in God and my wife, why do I still get sucked in by this false believe that I need to attain more or be better according to the world? Knowing that I am a son of God, I know that I'm taken care of and given exactly what I need, but I let the enemy deceive me and tell me that what I have is not good enough.

For Pete's sake (sorry Pete) I am like Bill Gates compared to so many in this world! That's not a boast, but a sobering fact I need to beat into my head. It's amazing how at our lowest with nothing, we consider ourselves rich in the Lord and praise Him with abandon... but give us just a little bit and we instantly want more. Sadly, not only does the enemy play this game with us, but we play it with each other. As a new home owner, I'm already feeling the draw of the mighty Yard Wars. Rather than be satisfied in my own mind, I have to compare. Is my yard better than that neighbors? Where else do we do this?

Is he a better husband than me? Is she a better wife? Is he or she better looking? Is their house bigger or better? Does their car have more features? Are their kids smarter, more athletic, or more popular? Are they a better friend? Are they better, faster, stronger, smarter, or more [insert anything] than me?

This is the cycle we often times find ourselves in. Not only losing focus on God, but making enemies of each other.

I look around my life and see a ton of blessings God has sent my way, but I have let myself and others taint that by creating doubt. Not doubt in God, but doubt in myself and what I have. Am I enough? Is this enough?

As a son of God, one of my many weaknesses is being diligent in studying the Bible. I tend to go out for a full sprint and burn out quickly, leaving it behind for long periods of time. In a recent attempt to reconnect, I decided to take a different approach. A long while ago, someone turned me on the convenience and structure of studying Proverbs daily. There are 31 chapters--1 for each day of the month-- and generally Proverbs is pretty straight-forward. I will say this though, being straight-forward doesn't make it any easier to live by.

So in this time of frustration, mostly at myself, for being led astray I decided I need to go into Proverbs. This was yesterday (the 22nd) and so I opened up to Proverbs 22.

Proverbs 22:1 -- A good name is to be more desired than great wealth,
Favor is better than silver and gold.

Bam! Verse one and God is right there. Now, some might read that and say, well isn't that what you just spoke against? "A good name", "Favor"? Is that like being a celebrity or public icon? I would say no. Why? The contrast to these is wealth, silver and gold... characteristics of many if not all celebrities and icons. Back then a good name and favor was not soley determined by your wealth, prestige, looks, or what kinds of friends you had. A good name and favor were based on the fact that you were someone of good rapor. You were respected for your character. Could you be trusted? Were you someone who was faithful to the Lord? Just, merciful, loving, kind, and dependable? Reading that verse and the rest of the chapter I stopped to think about my heart's desire. My longing is for me to be a man of good name and favor in the eyes of the Lord and my family. The square-footage of my house, my yard, the kind of car I drive, the capabilities of myself and my future kids, my bank account balance, and the superficial favor from others is all garbage and an unsatisfying race compared to what is true in the eyes of God.

I just pray that next time I let anyone or anything question myself, what I have, or who I am that I go and rest in the riches (both physical and spiritual) that the Lord has provided and praise Him without want... asking only that my name and favor are good in His eyes and ways I can make them better. For my goal is not to find favor with you, but with God and in turn my wife and family as that man of God.

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